So busy!

I have had so many thoughts and ideas going through my head, it is hard to keep up. You guessed it, mania is and has been for at least a couple weeks in full swing and I couldn't be happier. I have been writing, cleaning, and my kids have so much going on! This month I have two sons with birthdays, and then they have projects, we are looking into new schools for next year, it has been a whirlwind of excitement!

Tonight my middle son has a mission project to finish, so I'm going to take my little guy to Barnes & Noble for his free birthday cupcake to keep him out of brother's way. I love spending one on one time with all of my children, although that can be difficult.

I went to the lab yesterday to get my ultrasound, and although the printer wasn't working, I took a few pictures, which was nice to see. Today, I am 21 weeks, 5 days pregnant. And hooray, it is still a baby girl! I can't wait for my precious little one to be here!

So happy!

It was hard to get out of bed this morning, and once I got going, I was tired. Then, I had some iced coffee, and I am good to go. I am in a terrific mood, have so many things on my to do list, but not stressing whatsoever. I want to take on the world.

That's may favorite feeling about being bipolar. Sometimes the mania causes anxiety, like yesterday, but other times it just puts me in a terrific mood and I love life and want to take as many good things as I can get out of it, while giving people as much back as humanly possible.

I don't care if I cross off all my to dos today, because I feel I've accomplished enough already. Here are a few articles that I've finished lately:

Freecycle: The ultimate recycle tool
How to apply for a CitizenCard in the UK
Judgement of others
Pros and cons of shopping at warehouse clubs
Where to find savings coupons for almost anything
How to make rainbow cupcakes

Trying to stay busy!

Struggling with everything...

I am mid-anxiety attack right now, and it is hard to breathe. My heart feels like it is going to explode! My kids have the week off from school and I feel like everything is a battle. It hurts, both physically and mentally. All I want is a clean home! I ask everyone to pitch in and it is a constant battle until I break. I hate it. I shouldn't have to clean up after all of the inhabitants of my home, right?

They are very messy. Messier than they think, and I struggle everyday to clean up, just to wake up to a disaster the next morning. I'm really trying. They don't think they should have to clean unless someone is coming over. Really??

I came from a house, where if everything wasn't put back in its place by morning, my grandmother was livid! It was stressful to make sure that I didn't make a mess, or at least cleaned up everything before I went to bed. I didn't want my kids to have that kind of stress, but come on, they don't clean up anything! I wake up to wrappers and bottles all over, half empty cups, bowls, plates, you name it, everywhere!

I just want to cry! I can't handle having a messy home, one where I would be embarrassed to have anyone see! Clutter and mess depresses me and fighting with them about it causes anxiety. I feel nauseated and weak. This is not a feeling that I relish. Lack of organization is one of my triggers. I love things to be clean and organized. Sometimes I feel like that is unattainable...

Lazy Saturday...

I'm taking it easy today. I didn't even wake up until after 11, which isn't normal. I have no idea why I'm so tired. Well, I have one idea. Sometimes I think when I take that sleeping pill when I'm already tired, it makes it harder to get up in the morning. I really wish I could stop taking them, but when I tried for two days, my nausea and indigestion comes back. This girl is a little high maintenance already.

So, I've started laundry, dishes are my next household chore to tackle, but I really feel like getting some writing and promoting done today. So, I made some passion tea lemonade, and am fighting off the urge to fall back asleep. Not sure if I will win, but I can try!

Today is all about enjoying those little people I made and not stressing...

Hello Friday!

There is so much on my mind and it is a bit difficult to organize my thoughts. I know this is part of mania, and it's making me a bit anxious. Maybe mama needs some meditation...

If you were to see the state of my kitchen, I would be mortified. It wasn't like that yesterday, but my children are free thinkers and do-ers and the only problem is that they don't clean up after themselves. This is my fault, because apparently I haven't trained them well enough. I walked in and couldn't believe the mess. I'm one of those, "I'd rather clean this up, rather than yell at you for hours to do it" kind of moms and yes, that is a fault as well. Why should I give myself and anxiety attack because they won't listen?? I'll tell you why...because that is the only way I can teach them to be responsible adults, and that is, after all, my job. I shall work on that...

I miss my son!! :) He's coming back soon, but it is driving me crazy. I'm sure a lot of my anxiousness is stemming from his safe return. I am so happy to have a whole week with all four of them!

So far, I have made 29 cents today on Helium, and you may laugh, but I was at 11 cents! lol I have been using Twitter (@lilfaerie if you want to join my in the conversation) and RedGage to promote my articles, and am looking for others. StumbleUpon was a bit of a disappointment, but I'm sure there is a trick I don't know about. I love writing...it keeps me sane. I'm also addicted to Pinterest (lilfaerie) and I will follow you if you follow me.

Hope everyone is having a great Friday!

I haven't napped yet??

So, I've been up since 5, and still not crashed. After my morning rant, I wrote two articles, picked up the kids, got groceries, and came home in the rain. It is raining so hard, and I can't help thinking about my son on the island and hope he's somewhere indoors not freezing his butt off!

Can atheists have soulmates?
Healthy snacks for preschoolers

I really want to say that I'm going to write some more and keep this momentum going, but I'm not sure if that is true. I've already promised my mother than I would go with her to the store, although I really don't need to go again, and after that, it's time to make dinner, and get the evening routine going. At least tomorrow will be a quiet day. I get to stay home with my little man, and I hope that I can keep up the productivity and it's not a repeat of yesterday...

Happy and sad...

Yesterday I spent nearly the entire day in bed, didn't do ANYTHING, not even a load of laundry. I watched House on the computer, didn't take a shower until 6pm, slept and stared at a computer screen. I was a mess. It makes me feel awful when I'm like that. I'm better than that. Like I've said before, sometimes I am my own worst enemy.

Today, I woke up at 5am, battled the cold, and forced myself to get up and take my oldest son to school at 6am, so that he could go on a field trip to Catalina Island. He'll be back on Friday. I came home, got the rest of the kids ready, took them to school, came home, washed dishes, clothes, and began writing. What is wrong with me? I can be better, I know that I can, so why is it so hard to be consistent?

I cried, I miss my son, even though he's normally be at school now anyway. It's just that I know he's far away, I worry about him getting seasick because he wouldn't take any Dramamine, I hope that he's not too insecure to go snorkeling in a bathing suit (he hates wearing one) and I know he's not going to be mine for much longer. He'll be 14 next month, and in 4 years that little baby that made me a mom will be off on his own. He'll go off to college, and I won't be able to see him everyday. I don't like this part of being a parent, because although I will be his mother for eternity, I know I will always need him more than he needs me.