Not a good day...

I so hate depression. I miss my mania and things are not going my way. Realized my propane was on '0' (if you have natural gas, you may not understand, but propane is prepaid and they come and fill up a tank, so once it is gone, it's gone) and I don't get paid until the 20th, so that means no hot water, clean clothes, dishes, children...etc. That made ma upset enough...

Then I get a message saying my appointments with the genetic counselor and for an ultrasound to check on baby's kidneys have been canceled, because my insurance changed! Well, apparently at the beginning of April my insurance changed, and the doctor I was referred to doesn't take it. I didn't get a notice in the mail or anything, so now I'm very stressed about not knowing if my baby is ok. I was so looking forward to the ultrasound tomorrow and finally getting a step closer to knowing if she was alright, but now I have to wait for another referral and appointment...however long that is going to take.

I have been crying all morning. I'm broke and feel helpless...hopeless... I hope my assessment is processed quickly so I can go back to my therapist soon. The anxiety and depression is driving me insane. I just want to go back to bed. Unfortunately, I have things to do. Have to go to the bank and deposit the little money I do have so the checks I wrote don't bounce tonight. How pathetic. Then...I am broke again and have to worry about what to feed the family...and how to cook it. :(