Monday, February 20, 2012

Struggling with everything...

I am mid-anxiety attack right now, and it is hard to breathe. My heart feels like it is going to explode! My kids have the week off from school and I feel like everything is a battle. It hurts, both physically and mentally. All I want is a clean home! I ask everyone to pitch in and it is a constant battle until I break. I hate it. I shouldn't have to clean up after all of the inhabitants of my home, right?

They are very messy. Messier than they think, and I struggle everyday to clean up, just to wake up to a disaster the next morning. I'm really trying. They don't think they should have to clean unless someone is coming over. Really??

I came from a house, where if everything wasn't put back in its place by morning, my grandmother was livid! It was stressful to make sure that I didn't make a mess, or at least cleaned up everything before I went to bed. I didn't want my kids to have that kind of stress, but come on, they don't clean up anything! I wake up to wrappers and bottles all over, half empty cups, bowls, plates, you name it, everywhere!

I just want to cry! I can't handle having a messy home, one where I would be embarrassed to have anyone see! Clutter and mess depresses me and fighting with them about it causes anxiety. I feel nauseated and weak. This is not a feeling that I relish. Lack of organization is one of my triggers. I love things to be clean and organized. Sometimes I feel like that is unattainable...

6 comments:

  1. I have enjoyed your blog, your bipolar world. I am new to blogs and wanted to ask about meds? Is that OK to ask?

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    1. Sorry Carrielynn, I didn't see your comment until now. Of course you can ask, but I can only tell you my personal experience with them. :)

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  2. I totally get what your saying, clutter can be so overwhelming. Just breathe :)

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    1. It is strange how just seeing clutter can have a strong mental effect!

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  3. I've found that try to make the people around you do what you would like them to do is exhausting and not useful so I've stopped trying to change them and I can do one of 2 things, make what I like by myself or just stop being so demanding and do it for myself or just quit trying to be so perfect.

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    1. Great advice Milagros! Being perfect is not an option. :)

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