Monday, January 9, 2012

A Bipolar Pregnancy

I know that being bipolar and pregnant are not ideal conditions, and yesterday I felt the worst of its effects. Up until now, I have experienced depression and slight agoraphobia, but last night, not only was I plagued with a killer migraine, but I had a terrible anxiety attack right before I went to bed. It was indescribable. I took a Unisom (for nausea) and that helped get me to sleep, but I hate this.

My SO thinks that I need to stop watching United States of Tara. Wish he knew how it felt. Although I know there are worse things than BPD, such as schizophrenia, DID, etc., that doesn't help. I feel like a prisoner in my own mind, and it scares me. He thinks that a TV show can make me think I'm crazy. Sorry hun, but I've been 'crazy' for a long, long time...

I read this quote from Stephen Fry and it was so depressing:

It's rather splendid to think of all those great men and women who appear to have presented symptoms that allow us to describe them as bipolar. Whether it's Hemingway, Van Gogh... Robert Schumann has been mentioned... Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath... some of them with rather grim ends.
Stephen Fry

I don't want to meet their fate. Here is another quote that made me a bit envious:

I cannot move and I have to speak through a computer, in my mind I am free.
Stephen Hawking

He is so amazing! I miss the mania. I love my baby, I love my children, and today, I am committed to do something productive because the anxiety is over and I don't know how much time I will have before it comes back.

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