Thursday, January 26, 2012

Positivity isn't as easy as it should be...

I just received a comment on my personal FB page that it would be nice if I posted something positive. Well, every time I feel something positive, something negative has to come and take that feeling away. I can tell myself to stay positive all that I want, but I can't will myself to be happy.

I'm honestly trying to think of one positive thing. Oh, I got a sample of Dove shampoo in the mail today. Is that good? I have no idea why people have expectations of me. I can't help it if I'm not happy right now.

I'm stressed! I am worried about my baby, I have no car, no phone. I'm stuck in the house all day least I have internet. That is my positive thing to be thankful for. Although the bill is nearly a month past due and I don't know how long that will last. I count my blessings. I'm lucky to have 4 healthy kids, to have running water and electricity (which reminds me I need to pay that today so it doesn't get shut off). I am thankful for my blog and my fan page. I know that things should be getting better soon, but it's still stressful. I need insurance, I haven't seen a doctor, I can't pay my rent until the IRS figures out this refund problem. I'm sad, and I can't help that. I'm frustrated. I keep trying, and I feel like I'm walking backwards. My washer barely works, it leaves this lint on our clothes that I can't get off (tried a lint roller), the dryer doesn't work, and I feel guilty that I am sending my kids to school in clothes that look dirty. I know it shouldn't be a big deal. That's silly to complain about, but everything makes me cry. I just want to sleep through the negativity...

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