Friday, January 27, 2012


So, today, I'm a little bit calmer, although there was another series of fights to get into this morning, and I'm sitting at Starbucks enjoying the ambiance. I've had time to think and I'm going to try and explain why I get so frustrated and "negative." Here is an example:

Before payday, I try to get everything in order. I clean the fridge for food shopping, I make a list of things I need, I use a spreadsheet and fill out a detailed budget, and sort my coupons, things like that. Then, payday comes, and there is an enormous amount of information that floods my brain. It is overwhelming and I can't focus on a single objective. They all try to make their way to the front of the line and battle for my attention. Then comes the rush of emotions, anxiety attacks, and I screw everything up. This often leads to sadness because I'm broke and I haven't accomplished what I set out to do.

This is just an example. I don't mean for it to happen, and several different situations end the same way. I try to plan, I try to rationalize everything, but my brain gets overloaded and I lose focus. I panic. I try and try to do better next time, and sometimes it works, most of the time, it doesn't. I think eventually I will figure out how to deal with these situations a little better. In fact, I'm surprised that it is Friday and I have any money left at all. That is a rarity. I even was able to buy my daughter some shoes, earrings, and a clutch for her dance tonight and I can get her nail done too (Hooray for $10 manicures!). I still have bills that are unpaid and desperately waiting the tax money, but I think I need to step back and take a breath. The care isn't fixed, but we have a loaner car, and I am confident everything will be just fine.

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