Waste of a weekend...

Yesterday, the internet was out, so I used that as my excuse not to do anything, which was completely unproductive. Then, today I let that energy carry on into the day. I did...nothing, which I am not proud of because I had a few things that I wanted to do today. I even have a weekly ritual of going out and getting the Sunday paper that I completely avoided. I didn't want to take a shower, get up, or do anything. I watched a lot of TV with the fam, but it just made me feel even worse about myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm addicted to making myself feel bad.

Somehow I need to find my motivation. There are things I have to do tomorrow like take my daughter to the dentist. I know that I won't want to do it, who does, but I know that I will do it. I always do things that I have to get done. My children's welfare if a top priority, which is great, but I wish I didn't view everything this way.

I feel like there is a mental block that prevents me from being happy. I care about my children's health and happiness, but I have some subconscious reasoning for preventing my own happiness.